Does this sound familiar?

I have a friend at work who is a little like Mikey when it comes to losing weight:  he’ll try anything.  He has told me about his various cleanses, his “king and pauper” diet, his numerous liquid attempts, and his gigs at only eating one meal a day, which always, always included some variation of biscuits and gravy.  Even though he knows what I did for a living in a past life and we’re pretty close friends, he has never asked me for help, so I’ve never given him unheeded advice.  There were times when I literally had to hold my lips together to keep from becoming that person who thinks she knows everything about something, but nobody asked.  Until recently....I couldn’t.  I just couldn’t keep my mouth shut... 

His latest diet comes from a national chain.  It includes bars and shakes, and one “sensible” meal a day.  He goes in once a week to be weighed and “counseled” and to buy another week of “food.”  (Sorry for all the quote marks.  They are overused, but I must.  How else can I convey my sarcasm?)

So Friday, he comes in my office to tell me that he had lost a little over 9 pounds in one week!  Maybe winning the lottery would’ve made him happier, but I don’t know.  This man was jazzed.  He went on to say that the woman who “counseled” him said that “she’d never seen a ketone stick THAT red” in all the years she’d be “counseling,”  and to “KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.”

No. No.  No.  No. NO.

I am going to repeat my premise that most people don’t know how to lose weight in a healthy way, and make this story the poster child of my theory.  

On the bright side, he has lost 9 pounds, and it seems that’s all that matters, both to him and the diet company laughing all the way to the bank.  The bad news is, though, that he’s sacrificing his health on the altar of the scale.  

In a nutshell, ketosis is when your body is self-cannibalizing.  But isn’t that the goal, you say?  Don’t you want to make your body burn stored fat?  The body is an amazing machine that has all kinds of “Plan B” workarounds, and finding energy for fuel is one of them.  Our dreamworld fantasy includes eating so little that your body will burn from the fat stored right on the very place you’d like to get rid of by Saturday night so you can get in those jeans.  But ketosis is when your body is burning PROTEIN, found in muscles, and the by product, these ketones, get dumped into the waste system, ultimately through your kidneys.  

Suffice it to say, this is not good.  In no way could this be interpreted as healthy.   Which is what I told my friend.  He was surprised that his “counselor” didn’t spell it out for him, so he appreciated the information, and said that he only had 2 more weeks until his ski trip, but he wanted to lose another 7-10 pounds, so after that, he’d “eat healthier.”

I guess there you go.  If all you care about is losing weight, you and I both know that you can, no matter the cost to your health.  But if your goal is to reclaim your health through your diet,  (“diet” to me is a generic term to use when talking about food) then stick around.  

Here is the truth:  It’s a simple math equation.  What you eat minus what you burn up = what you keep.  To lose or gain weight, you play with both those addends.  (I can’t be sure that’s the right word---is that what they’re called before the equals sign in the math world?  Hats? Jenna?  Help me out here!)  

It’s a function of calories.  The unit measurement for energy that goes in for fuel.  I don’t count calories, but calories count.  They matter.  So stick around.  We’re going to start getting to the nitty gritty of getting healthy.  

And I REPEAT, IN ALL CAPS, NO LESS.  I DON’T GIVE A FIG WHAT YOU WEIGH.  I AM 100% CERTAIN THAT YOU WILL REACH A HEALTHY WEIGHT IF YOU TREAT YOUR BODY WITH A HEALTHY RESPECT.  

Till the next time, please give thanks that your body hasn’t given up you even after everything you’ve put it through......